


(Not the) Same Love

by musictomydamagedears



Category: Buzzfeed: Worth It (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Implied Character Death, M/M, No Blood, No Self-Harm, One-Sided Love, Pining, Unrequited Love, Wedding, implied suicide, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 09:12:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14565768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musictomydamagedears/pseuds/musictomydamagedears
Summary: “So, I was hoping for you guys to be my groomsmen, and woman,” Steven looked at the group of people in front of him, smiling widely. Andrew didn’t know how to react. The guy that he had been longing for, the guy that he had been telling himself that he would tell in ‘just a little while’, the guy he loved with all of his heart, was now getting married.---Steven is getting married, and Andrew realizes that he is too late.





	1. Chapter 1

His heart sank to his stomach, and he closed his eyes painfully. It was too late. His chance was gone. Andrew Ilnyckyj had waited for too long.

“So, I was hoping for you guys to be my groomsmen, and woman,” Steven looked at the group of people in front of him, smiling widely. Andrew didn’t know how to react. The guy that he had been longing for, the guy that he had been telling himself that he would tell in ‘just a little while’, the guy he loved with all of his heart, was now getting married.

When Steven had texted him, Jen, Alvin, Adam and Ryan that he had news, Andrew had a feeling that he wouldn’t be as excited as the others, but this was way worse than he had expected. This was his heart breaking, even though he had known that he would have to do something about it if he ever wanted the excitable man to himself.

All of the others agreed immediately to Steven’s request, but Andrew couldn’t bring himself to say yes. Not now. Of course he would be one of his groomsmen, but he couldn’t agree to it yet. Not when the wound was so fresh. However, that seemed lost on Steven, who looked over at him.

“Andrew?” he asked hopefully, and the Ukrainian man just nodded with a small smile, forcing himself to look at least sort of happy about the news.

“Thank God,” Steven said, letting out a sigh of relief. “Because I was hoping you would be my best man.”

Best man. Steven Lim just asked Andrew Ilnyckyj to be his best man. The older of the two wanted to scream out that of course he didn’t want to be his best man, that he loved Steven, and that he didn’t want him to get married. He didn’t though, staring at the man he loved so much.

“Uh, sure,” he said, again trying to smile, but he could feel tears pressing at the corners of his eyes, threatening to spill. “I, uh, I forgot that, uh, I, uh, I have to do something. Text me the details later.”

With that he got up and rushed out of the room, making sure to not let a single tear fall until he was in his car. Once he was in his car, however, he let them all fall. He let his body shake with the anger and sadness that almost proved too great to bare. Through his tears, he didn’t notice Jen and Adam watching him from afar.

The following days were spent drinking by himself, getting drunk and trying to forget the bubbly man who had stolen his heart. Drinking didn’t work, so then began the hook-ups. Males and females both. Nothing worked. Nothing made him forget Steven and the way his eyes seemed to light up at the smallest things. Nothing.

Then, two weeks after that, came the darkness. Swallowing Andrew whole. He couldn’t get out of bed, and he called in sick to work. He could end it, he thought to himself. That way he wouldn’t have to attend Steven’s wedding and getting his heart broken even further. No, he couldn’t. Steven would never forgive him, and Andrew couldn’t break Steven like he had broken Andrew.

Another week passed, and Andrew had to go to work again. He wasn’t okay, not in the slightest, and he told Adam that he couldn’t do worth it anymore. When the bearded man with glasses had just told him that he had already known, Andrew just looked at him.

During his second week back at work, managing to avoid Steven the whole time, Ashly and Jen showed up by his desk, just looking at him.

“What?” he asked, his voice flat and emotionless. The two girls looked sad for him, but he didn’t care. Nothing mattered. Nothing at all.

“You’re ruining him by ruining yourself,” said Ashly, at the same time as Jen said: “He misses you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he spat, putting on his headphones and ignoring them. After what felt like an eternity, they finally walked away, and Andrew let the darkness swallow him again. Fucking Steven Lim.

Andrew couldn’t avoid Steven forever, not as his best man, and as the months passed, and the wedding got closer, so did Steven. The blond hated it. He hated being close to Steven, knowing that all hope was lost.

Then, after almost an entire year, the dreaded day had arrived. Andrew would have to watch Steven get married to someone that wasn’t him. It was bad, but Andrew had managed not to slip up. Not until the vows

“I do,” Steven said, and Andrew let out a small “don’t.”. He knew the other man heard him. By the way he flinched, he had to have heard it. However, it was too late. Steven kissed her, and Andrew’s world fell apart once more, as did his friendship with the younger man.

One word had ruined four years of friendship. One word had brought a stop to all words between them, except for the four words Andrew sent Steven ten years later, his very last words.

_I still love you._

Love wasn’t patient or kind. Love was dead.


	2. Chapter 2

Steven felt like he should be more upset over this. He had just divorced his wife, there was no ring on his finger. But he wasn’t. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and he was on his way to buy some groceries. Things were actually looking pretty great for Steven Lim, even after ending over 10 years of marriage. 

Distracted by his own thoughts, he didn’t even notice the fact that he was walking directly towards another person. The other person, who was texting, apparently didn’t notice either, and they collided. 

“Oh my god, I’m so so-“ Steven looked at the person in front of him, and no more words left his mouth. “Andrew?”

Said man stood in front of him, looking just as handsome as he had 10 years ago. Steven almost felt like blushing as he looked into those well-known eyes of his. He was pretty sure he could drown in them, actually, his knees a bit weak.

“Steven, hi,” the other man smiled weakly, and Steven wrapped his arms around him in a hug, grinning. “Long time, no see.”

“Yeah, uhm, I’m sorry about that,” Steven grimaced. He knew it was mostly his fault, for freaking out at the wedding and telling Andrew to go home before the party. However, he had actually planned on reaching out to the blond, especially as his last text to Steven was the reason for his divorce.

“No, it’s fine,” Andrew blushed a bit, looking down at Steven’s hands, eyes widening at the lack of a ring. “Did you, uh, get my text? Because you are welcome to ignore-”

“I love you too,” Steven interrupted him. “God, I love you. But. This is not the place to have this conversation.” 

He invited Andrew home, forgetting all about the groceries he was supposed to buy. This was much more important. This was his chance of getting back those 10 years of missed love and kisses. Andrew, of course, said yes, and they intertwined their fingers before walking to Steven’s apartment together.

They talked a bit about Steven’s marriage and life, not letting go of each other’s hands even once. It was awfully domestic, and Steven loved every second of it. Once inside, their eyes met, and Andrew came closer and closer, and Steven closed his eyes, feeling Andrew’s breath on his face. He was finally getting the kiss he had been waiting for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want this to stay happy, DO NOT READ CHAPTER 3.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Major Character Death!

Just as their lips would have met, Steven’s body got jerked awake by his alarm clock. He looked over at his wife, feeling guilty about the dream, before turning towards his phone to turn off the alarm. As he checked the date, his heart skipped a beat. 23rd of May, 2029. Andrew’s birthday. Andrew’s funeral.

The worst part was that Steven knew that this was his fault. If he had just gone with his feelings and actually stopped the wedding instead of sending Andrew home, Andrew would still be here. He would be celebrating Andrew’s 39th birthday instead of going to a funeral. 

It should have been obvious how Andrew reacted to the news of his engagement, really. He wasn’t exactly foreign to Andrew’s feelings for him, mostly because they were reciprocated, but Steven had been too scared to break things off with his girlfriend. To be honest, Steven had kind of hoped Andrew would talk him out of it. He tried, but he tried way too late. He had already said “I do”, what was he supposed to say? “Sorry, but I change my mind, I don’t”?

Well, probably, yes, that was what he should have done. But he didn’t. He had kissed her, then when the ceremony was over, he had walked over to Andrew and told him that he was no longer welcome. He had felt like such a shitty friend, but he don’t know if he could have lasted through the party with Andrew there. It was selfish and egoistic, and Steven wished he never had done it.

Then when he received that text a bit over a week ago, he hadn’t even replied to him, not realizing that that was Andrew’s note for him. How could he have known, though? Do you usually just text a married man that you still love them? Then, two days later, Jen had called him in panic. 

“Steven, oh my god,” she had sobbed over at the phone, much to Steven’s confusion. “Andrew- he- Niki and I just wanted to make sure that he was okay, because he didn’t reply to our calls. Steven, I, Andrew- oh god, I’m so sorry, I know you loved him.”

With those words, Steven’s world had turned dark and meaningless. How was he supposed to live with himself? Knowing what had happened? Because of him?

Steven let out a small groan, trying to hold back his tears, then slowly got out of bed to take a shower. Several hours later, standing next to Jen and Adam as the casket got lowered into the ground, he muttered the words he should have uttered a long time ago.

“I love you too.”


End file.
